The Confidence Formula: Control, Presence, Adaptability

Recently, I found myself revisiting two podcast conversations that have stuck with me; one with a comedian, the other with a rugby icon. At first glance, Jimmy Carr and Jonny Wilkinson come from entirely different worlds. But their reflections on pressure, identity, and what it means to perform under intense scrutiny reveal a shared truth: confidence isn’t about certainty; it’s about how we respond when things get hard, how we ground ourselves when everything is moving fast, and how we stay present.

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with or without. It’s not a switch that flicks on when you’re “in form.” In elite sport, and in high-performing business environments, confidence is built. It’s trained, rehearsed, and refined, just like any physical or technical skill.

Nearly every athlete or professional I work with says, “I’m a confidence player.” My response? Who isn’t? Confidence enables us to perform. When we feel unstoppable, we usually are.

Vealey (1986) defined confidence as the "belief or degree of certainty individuals possess about their ability to be successful." That’s not just a sporting definition - it’s human. Because whether you're in a medal race or a boardroom pitch, the underlying psychology is the same.

I've coached athletes at the highest level and supported leaders navigating immense pressure. Their struggles with confidence are rarely about talent. They're about knowing how to build and maintain belief under pressure.

🎙️ Jimmy Carr on The Diary of a CEO and Jonny Wilkinson on The High Performance Podcast both offer powerful takes on confidence, pressure, identity, and presence. Their contexts differ, but their conclusions are strikingly similar. 

So what do we need to know...

🧠 1. Why Confidence Collapses

Our brains aren’t wired for high performance. They're wired for survival.

When anxiety and stress hits, the body releases cortisol. That shuts down the rational, logical part of the brain (prefrontal cortex) and activates our reactive centre (the medulla).

• In sport: You freeze at the start line. Your performance spirals after a mistake.

• In business: You fumble the first line of your pitch. You disengage during a critical meeting.

It’s not a lack of capability; it’s chemistry.

Jimmy Carr shared how losing control of the audience early in a show used to destroy his confidence. He wasn’t short of material. He was short of perspective. “When you’re panicking,” he said, “the first thing that leaves the room is perspective.”

Jonny Wilkinson described something similar. “I was only as good as my last kick.” His confidence became shackled to performance outcomes. That’s fragile. His breakthrough came when he realised confidence had to be built from within, not borrowed from applause.

🎯 2. Control What You Can

When pressure hits, our attention often drifts outward. We start scanning for threats, predicting outcomes, reading the room, or tracking what others are doing. It feels productive, but it can quietly erode our focus and confidence. Why? Because our attention has moved away from what we can do and into what we can only observe.

In sailing, we talk about this shift through two mindsets:

• Heads in the boat: Your attention is on your craft; sail trim, boat balance, steering. It’s practical, grounded, and fully within your control.

• Heads out of the boat: Your focus turns outward; to wind shifts, fleet positions, wind patterns. Useful for decision-making, yes - but if left unchecked, it becomes a distraction. You start reacting to uncertainty instead of executing with clarity.

This concept doesn’t just apply to sport. In business, it looks like worrying about what the board is thinking during your pitch, scanning a client’s expression for approval, or obsessing over what your competitors are doing mid-launch.

In high-pressure moments, you must shift your focus back into the boat. Back to what you control

Ask yourself:

• What can I do right now?

• What am I responsible for?

• What is directly within my influence?

Dr. Dave Alred captures this beautifully in The Pressure Principle:

“You can’t perform at your best by focusing on the outcome. You do it by focusing on your process, your craft.”

Jimmy Carr put it simply:

“I don’t control the audience. I control the work.”

And Jonny Wilkinson brought it home:

“The present moment is the only place anything real happens.”

In sport and business alike, the greats don’t chase control—they execute control over their attention. Focused. Present. Process-driven. That’s where confidence lives.

🔁 3. Reset Mechanisms

Confidence doesn’t disappear all at once, it slips, moment by moment, often triggered by frustration, distraction, or rising stress. In those moments, the worst thing you can do is grit your teeth and push harder. High performers don’t just power through, they reset.

A reset is a deliberate interruption. It’s a small, physical or mental action that helps you break the spiral, regain composure, and re-centre your attention. It’s not about doing something big—it’s about doing something effective.

In elite sport, these resets are everywhere. Watch closely:

• Footballers push their socks up and down

• Rugby players retie boots that don’t need retying

• Hockey goalkeepers slap their pads with their stick

They’re not quirks. They’re cues. Signals to the brain: reset now.

Create your own:

• Splash water on your face

• Take a deep breath

• Drop your shoulders

• Clap your hands

• Close your eyes

• Feel your feet grounded beneath you

These aren’t distractions, they’re mechanisms. They shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight and back into focus.

 Reset → Reconnect → Re-engage

Jimmy Carr resets by laughing through the failure. Jonny Wilkinson resets by pulling back, shifting perspective: “When I step back, I can see again. I’m not in the spin—I’m observing it.”

The lesson? When the pressure builds, don’t run through the storm. Find your reset—and step through it.

🧘 4. Be Where Your Feet Are

One of the greatest misconceptions about pressure is that it lives in the moment. It doesn’t. Pressure lives in the future, in imagined consequences, expectations, or potential failure. Or it lingers in the past,, in regret, comparison, or self-judgment.

But right now? In this precise moment? There is no consequence. Only action. Only choice.

Jonny Wilkinson captured this powerfully:

“There is no consequence in the now.”

That single sentence reframes everything.

As humans, especially high performers, we are wired to anticipate and assess. It’s how we prepare, how we grow. But under pressure, this forward-looking mindset can become a liability. We start projecting outcomes, chasing control, or fearing mistakes before they even happen.

That’s when performance suffers.

Wilkinson spoke with painful honesty about how his evolution from an instinctive, passionate 18-year-old to a results-driven pro came with a cost:

“Back then, I was just passion and opportunity. Ten years later, I had something to lose. That’s when I became rigid.”

Rigidity is the enemy of performance. Whether it’s on a rugby pitch or in a leadership meeting, when we grip the outcome too tightly, we lose our ability to move with the moment.

The best don’t resist pressure; they flow through it.

Federer. Iniesta. Biles. Branson. They aren’t just skilled, they are present. They let the moment unfold and respond in real time.

Jimmy Carr said it with equal clarity:

“The only real power you have is in the now.”

Presence is not a soft skill. It’s not a wellness cliché. It’s a discipline. A conscious choice to return, again and again, to where your feet are, to what your hands are doing, to what you can affect.

It’s not passive—it’s powerful. And in performance? It changes everything.

🌀 5. Train for Chaos, Not Control

One of the most dangerous traps high performers fall into is mistaking preparation for predictability. We plan every detail, rehearse every move, obsess over marginal gains, hoping to lock down control. But high-pressure environments rarely reward control. They reward adaptability.

The wind changes. The audience shifts. The tech fails. A teammate makes a mistake. The conditions you prepared for suddenly vanish, and what you’re left with is your ability to respond.

As Bob Bowman, coach to Michael Phelps, famously said:

“An athlete’s job is to create predictable performances in unpredictable conditions.”

This is the real work of performance; building trust not in the outcome, but in your ability to handle whatever shows up. Because when the script disappears, only presence and adaptability remain.

In elite sport, we train for these moments deliberately. The best coaches introduce controlled chaos on purpose: messy drills, random disruptions, time pressure. Not to frustrate, but to free athletes from the illusion of perfect conditions.

In business, we often do the opposite. We prepare slide decks to the pixel, rehearse until we’re rigid, and avoid risk by over-scripting. But true confidence is knowing you’ll still show up at your best, even when things get messy.

Jonny Wilkinson admitted this himself. His iconic pre-kick rituals weren’t magical. They gave him a sense of control; until they didn’t. It wasn’t the routine that created consistency. It was his presence within it.

Train for chaos, not for comfort:

• Build confidence in your adaptability—not your predictions

• Reflect on how you responded—not just what happened

• Anchor belief in your resilience—not your perfection

High performance isn’t about getting everything right. It’s about being ready when everything goes wrong, and still delivering when it matters.

📓 6. Log Your Confidence

One of the defining traits of high performers, whether in sport, business, or on stage, is their acute ability to spot what’s not working. They’re wired for critique. It’s what drives improvement. But left unchecked, this strength becomes a weakness.

When your default lens is flaw detection, confidence quietly erodes. You don’t lose belief overnight, you drain it, moment by moment, by constantly overlooking your wins.

That’s why we have to train the opposite.

Logging your confidence is about intentionally rewiring your focus. It’s not about ignoring what needs work. It’s about balancing the scoreboard, recognising what is working, not just what isn’t.

Start small. End each day by writing down three things that went well. Doesn’t have to be spectacular. Just real.

• A clear call you led

• A recovery after a mistake

• A decision made under pressure

• A conversation that landed

This builds your evidence bank; a personal archive of capability, growth, and proof that you’re moving forward.

Jimmy Carr captured this perfectly:

“I used to forget the 99 jokes that killed because I was obsessed with the one that bombed.”

Jonny Wilkinson, in his post-career reflection, now journals not to critique—but to anchor perspective:

“It’s not about what went wrong—it’s about what mattered.”

Confidence doesn’t just come from outcomes. It comes from awareness. And logging your wins isn’t about ego, it’s about balance. Because when pressure hits, your brain will search for evidence. Give it something solid to find.

❓ 7. Ask Better Questions

Our confidence is shaped not just by what we do, but by how we think. And how we think is shaped by the questions we ask ourselves every day, often without even realising it.

Your brain is a search engine. Whatever you type in, it will deliver. So if you’re asking yourself questions rooted in fear or doubt, don’t be surprised when the answers reinforce those feelings.

Ask: → “Am I really ready for this?” and your mind will scan for every missed detail or potential weakness.

Ask: → “What have I done to prepare?” and it will remind you of the training, the coaching, the resilience, the late nights—all the work you’ve already banked.

This shift sounds simple, but it’s powerful. The questions we ask direct our attention. They frame our self-talk. They influence how we interpret challenge, and whether we step into it with doubt or conviction.

Jimmy Carr describes anxiety as “the flip side of creativity.” That reframing invites a better question:

→ What can I create from this feeling?

Jonny Wilkinson made a similar pivot in mindset. He moved from:

→ “What do I need to prove today?”

To:

→ “What am I here to experience today?”

That’s the difference between pressure and possibility. One contracts you. The other expands you.

So if you want better answers, about your readiness, your value, your capability, start by asking better questions. Confidence doesn’t just come from facts. It starts with where you choose to place your focus. 

Ask better questions → Get better answers → Feel more confident.

🤝 8. Build Others, Build Yourself

There’s a myth in high-performance environments that confidence is an individual pursuit, that it’s something you generate alone, protect fiercely, and keep hidden until it’s fully formed.

But real, lasting confidence doesn’t thrive in isolation. It’s forged in connection.

When you praise a teammate, support a colleague, or celebrate someone else’s progress, you’re not just building their belief, you’re reinforcing your own. The act of recognising capability in others trains your brain to see it more clearly in yourself.

This is how high-performing teams function. Not just by demanding excellence, but by reflecting it.

Confidence becomes contagious.

Jimmy Carr, despite being a solo performer, openly credits the people around him for keeping him grounded and focused. He surrounds himself with collaborators who “believe in the work”, and that belief becomes fuel.

Jonny Wilkinson’s growth followed a similar path. Early in his career, his self-worth was tethered to outcomes. But it was the belief and honesty of those around him, coaches, teammates, mentors, that helped him decouple his identity from his performance. That shift was transformative.

Encouragement isn’t fluff. It’s function.

• Recognise effort, not just results

• Acknowledge progress, not just perfection

• Offer belief, not just advice

In doing so, you don’t just build culture, you build capacity. You build confidence in the team, and in turn, in yourself.

Because in the moments that matter most, we don’t rise alone. We rise together.

Final Word: Confidence Isn’t a Feeling—It’s a System

We often talk about confidence like it’s a mood, something that comes and goes depending on how well things are going, how others respond to us, or how “ready” we feel in the moment.

But if there’s one thing elite sport and high-performing teams teach us, it’s this:

Confidence isn’t emotional. It’s operational.

It’s not something you have—it’s something you build.

Day by day. Thought by thought. Habit by habit.

• It’s built in the reflection that helps you see how far you’ve come.

• In the presence that anchors you when everything feels uncertain.

• In the routines that ground you.

• In the recovery that resets you.

• And in the resilience that brings you back after setbacks.

The most confident people I work with, on the pitch, in the boardroom, on stage, don’t leave confidence to chance. They train it. They protect it. They understand that it’s not about waiting to “feel” ready. It’s about building a system that helps them show up ready, regardless of how they feel.

So the real question isn’t:

“Do I feel confident?”

It’s:

“What am I doing today to build the confidence I want to feel tomorrow?”

Confidence isn’t the outcome. It’s the process. And it’s in your control.